


Always With You

by AeonWing



Series: Bite-sized Chalex Moments - For Better Or Worse, Till Death Do Us Part [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Guilt, Love Triangles, M/M, Reconciliation, chalex - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25031944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonWing/pseuds/AeonWing
Summary: Alex can't quite get over his feelings for Zach, even though he's been dating Charlie for months now.Alex and Charlie finally share a much needed, heartfelt conversation in bed one night to hopefully work things out.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, One sided Alex Standall/Zach Dempsey
Series: Bite-sized Chalex Moments - For Better Or Worse, Till Death Do Us Part [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824100
Comments: 18
Kudos: 75





	Always With You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again Chalex shippers!
> 
> Although I'm working on my big project, and I expect weekly updates, you'll see some one shots here and there.
> 
> If you haven't checked it out yet, please do if it's okay! It's "Next To You, I Bloom"
> 
> I do take requests for one shots, but I'll be putting updating the big story first, but do expect them to be done from time to time!

_“I like me better when I’m with you.”_

\- Lauv

* * *

July 2019

It’s late – how late, Alex doesn’t know, can’t quite tell. Late enough that the sun is down – that much is obvious, but whether it’s 3, or 4 AM, or even later, he doesn’t know. All he knows is that it’s damn late, and he should be sleeping – at least if it wasn’t for the fact that Charlie is over.

The sound of running water fills his ears, albeit subtly in the background. Alex prays for a moment that it won’t wake up his family. It’s not like the time he snuck Charlie into his home, though, just after the riot from what seems to be an eon ago; his family knows Charlie is here.

It’s been a few months since they’ve started dating for real – and Alex is due to move into Berkeley very soon. The time they have together, like this, every day, in person, will be coming to an end in a week.

Alex lets out a weighty sigh, letting his head fall back into the comfort of his pillows, the warmth of his blankets covering his exposed skin. It’s still a little chilly in the room, and he wonders if it’s due to the draft, or because he’s missing Charlie, not having him in his arms.

Finally, the sound of running water comes to an end, and like a warm welcome, anticipation washes over him. It’s only moments until he hears the soft creaking of the door being opened, and his sweet boyfriend making his way into their room.

“Hey,” Charlie whispers. It’s barely audible, but it’s _there_. It’s still a little too dark for Alex to clearly see Charlie, to make out the intricacies of Charlie’s delicate, soft features. He frowns a little, feeling a wave of relief when Charlie finally locks the door and lies down on the bed next to him.

It feels warm.

Alex moves over a little, just enough to comfortably fit Charlie’s larger frame next to him on the rather large bed. The bed creaks a little – no doubt under their combined weight. It almost causes him to chuckle, if not for the comfort of Charlie’s lips meeting his. 

It doesn’t take long for Alex to start kissing back, falling headfirst into Charlie’s warm embrace and touch, much like he did when they had first started talking, many months ago. 

It’s soft, it’s electric, it’s soothing.

Alex wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world. 

They kiss again, a little more passionate, Alex getting lost in the light of Charlie’s radiance, and it’s only their mutual need for oxygen that parts them. He frowns a little when he still can’t make out the most delicate details of Charlie’s face. 

But darkness can’t take away from his beauty. Nothing could.

“I’m glad,” Charlie finally speaks, gently resting his forehead against Alex’s. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.” He lifts a hand, gently stroking Alex’s face, garnering a warm, soft smile. “I’m… I’m so sorry about today… I didn’t… I didn’t-“

Alex shakes his head at that, blue pools peering into Charlie’s own – and his heart skips a beat, his throat tightens. 

“D…don’t,” Alex whispers back, gently pressing his face down against Charlie’s chest, so close that he can _feel_ , can _hear_ every little soft thump of Charlie’s heartbeat. The rhythmic beating is remarkably calming, remarkably soothing, and it takes an incredible amount of self-control to not give into pleasure, temptation, and make love again. 

But he keeps it at bay. 

“I… I’m the one… who should be apologizing to you,” Alex finally admits.

“Alex…” Charlie begins, shifting a little more weight to the bed's side so that Alex can cuddle a little closer. The difference in height isn’t too big, albeit Charlie is a little more well-built, so Alex’s smaller frame fits perfectly against his own.

Alex nods, but nonetheless turns away. It’s hard, it’s difficult for him, even now, even months later, to admit it to himself.

He hears Charlie’s breath hitch, and for a split second, he almost loses his own composure.

“Alex, it was Zach, wasn’t it?” Charlie suddenly asks, sighing softly. Alex can hear it in his voice – there’s a slight touch of worry, a slight waver in the tone of his voice, despite Charlie’s best attempts to hide it. 

“I…”

“I mean…” Charlie says again, gently stroking Alex’s arm, holding him lightly. “I know you and him…”

Charlie stops – biting his tongue. It’s uncharted territory, and it’s not something they ever really spoke about. The facts are there, all laid out, but they had never talked about it. Still, it would be foolish to think Charlie never found out, never noticed it.

It makes Alex shiver a little – because he knows it’s not right, it’s not fair. He’s not sure if the room is suddenly cooler again, or if he’s just imagining things. 

_Better late than never_.

“I did…” Alex finally responds, staring at the bedsheets. He counts three, four, no… five ripples – something, anything to keep his mind blank. He doesn’t want to face it, doesn’t want to do this, not here, not now.

But he forces himself to anyways.

“I did… didn’t I?”

The ache is still there, deep within him. It’s there whenever Zach texts him. It’s there whenever Charlie talks to him, it’s there like an old wound, never healing, always there to bother him, keeping him down.

Somewhere deep inside.

“Alex…” Charlie tries again, shifting close to rest his head against Alex’s shoulder. Alex is still turned away from him but doesn’t resist when Charlie reaches a hand over to stroke Alex’s exposed cheek. It makes his heart break just a little when Charlie realizes he can trace the lines where Alex’s tears must have fallen, not too long ago. 

“Alex, do you want to talk about it now?”

Time seems to slow down, almost to a standstill, and it’s only the calm, rhythmic heartbeats, the soft, warm breaths that leave Charlie’s lips that fill his ears, that anchor him to reality. Alex closes his eyes, and in that instant, he sees everything.

* * *

Earlier today 

_The familiar scent of coffee fills the room, bringing back all sorts of memories – some good, some bad, some in between. Through good and bad, better, or worse, this is where they’ve always gone. This is “their place”._

_Him. Charlie. Clay. Justin. Ani. Tyler. Jess. Tony._

_…Zach._

_Monet’s._

_“Alex, are you okay?” Charlie asks him, resting a hand on Alex’s knee. “You’ve been uneasy since we came here.”_

_The touch makes Alex jolt a little – not because Charlie’s touch makes him uncomfortable, but because he’s really lost in his thoughts. It’s almost shameful to admit it, but for a moment, he had forgotten that Charlie was there._

_Damn it._

_“I uh…” He stammers, breathing hard. “I’m… I’m fine.”_

_“But…”_

_“I’m fine, Charlie.”_

_“Alex, don’t lie-“_

_“Charlie, what the fuck, I said I’m fine!”_

_He immediately regrets those words, looking over at Charlie, who’s face bears the wounds of shock and hurt. Alex opens his mouth, apologies ready._

_But nothing comes out._

Fuck.

_He bites his tongue, fighting back tears when Charlie takes his hand away from Alex’s knee and looks away._

_Alex looks around, finding confusion and discomfort plastered on the faces of his friends. Ruefully, he admits to himself that he’s glad not everyone is here yet. It’s only Jess, Ani, and Clay so far. At the very least, he doesn’t have much explaining to do._

_“Alex, are you…?” Jess begins, clearly worried._

_“I’m fine.” He chokes out, a little too hasty._

_Alex looks over in Jess’s direction, doing his best to look convincing. He doesn’t think he’s very successful at that, but at least she doesn’t ask him any more questions._

_He’s breathing hard, trying to swallow the discomfort at being unable to control his own emotions._

_Why? Why must it still hurt so damn much?_

_Alex takes a moment to steal a glance towards Charlie, who, in turn, has averted his own gaze, looking away. There’s a layer of hurt, of pain in those beautiful blue eyes that makes Alex’s heart crack._

_Those are eyes that Alex once had._

_Those are eyes, perhaps, that even now, he still bears._

_“Guys, Zach’s here,” Alex hears Clay say._

_And Alex feels his heart skip a beat. He looks up towards the entrance of Monet’s._

_And there it is._

_Zach’s arrived, the brightest smile on his face, a radiant dawn, a shining beacon. But it’s not Alex he’s looking at. Not at all._

_“Hey, guys!” Zach calls out, waving at the group._

_He settles down, greeting everyone softly._

_“I wanted to introduce everyone to my new girlfriend…” he says excitedly._

_She walks in, incredibly beautiful. Features you’d see on a model. She’s so beautiful, in fact, that even Alex blushes a little at her. Perks of being bisexual, or whatever, he guesses. But damn it, it sucks to be like this._

_“Hi guys,” she says excitedly, sitting down on Zach’s lap. “I’ve heard so much about you.”_

_Alex winces at that._

_“Oh, come on,” Zach scoffs. “They’re going to be thinking we gossip about them.”_

_“Don’t we?” She excitedly replies, kissing Zach._

_And Alex closes his eyes in defeat._

* * *

Now 

“I… I see…” Charlie whispers.

The room has become… ambivalent. It’s not warm nor cold, but there’s a mild, persistent discomfort, like a deadly chill. It’s frightening, no other word to describe it. It’s the air of uncertainty, of fear. 

“Charlie… I’m… I’m so sorry,” Alex closes his eyes, fighting tears yet again. “It’s not… I know… I know it isn’t right of me. I know… it isn’t fair for you… For us.”

His voice falters – he doesn’t want to cry, not here, not now. Because he knows it’s unfair. It’s _damn_ unfair. It’s not his place, not his right to cry like this, in front of Charlie, his own boyfriend, when Alex is the one grappling with emotions like these.

But who else? Who else can he cry in front of, who else can he open his heart to?

If not Charlie, then who?

“It’s wrong… it’s wrong of me, isn’t it?” Alex exhales. First instinct tells him to turn away, second thought being to pull close—an irreconcilable dilemma. On the one hand, he feels guilt and shame. On the other hand, he wants this too.

Is it so wrong to want two people? To continue on like this, their relationship, this way?

He wasn’t expected what happened next. Perhaps Charlie would’ve turned away, maybe he would have just stayed in awkward silence. But no. Instead, Alex feels strong arms gently tug at him, pulling the two of them closer once more. He feels gentle fingers tugging at his thin frame, exactly where they were not too long ago. They feel as good now as they did then.

“Don’t be afraid,” Charlie whispers, almost a soft sigh, nearly a coo. There’s a certain depth of sympathy and compromise, layered perfectly. It’s something… It’s something that Alex hasn’t had the liberty to hear for far too long.

It’s something he wishes Zach would have said to him, months ago. 

It feels… Comforting. So, he turns back around to face the tall quarterback. But when he lays his eyes on the boy’s perfect visage, he sees something he wasn’t expecting.

It was a stray tear.

Compromise.

Charlie was hurting. It wasn’t a painless, flawless victory; it was anything but perfect. He was hurting, but he was willing. It’s so unfair, Alex feels. He doesn’t deserve someone like this.

But he can’t help it.

If the shields he spent so long building up were cracked before this, then surely now they must be shattered. Quietly broken, as if they had never been there in the first place. He cannot fake, cannot lie. Because when either of them cries, he’s unspoken.

What was it that he had felt? For Zach? What was it?

He was so certain he had it correct. He was so sure that those feelings he had must have been love. Unrequited love, but still love. But now he realizes that wasn’t true. Love knows no boundaries, and while he’s confident that the feelings for Zach are still there, they will never be as strong as what he feels now.

Their gazes are locked, and Alex really gets to see the beauty in the football player’s perfect, blue eyes. There are layers upon layers of depth and complexity within those never-ending pools. There’s understanding, there’s compromise.

But most importantly, Alex sees himself through those lenses. He sees them.

“Do you think you’ll be happy with me?” Charlie suddenly asks.

That stops Alex in his tracks. It’s not a question that he had been expecting. It carries the weight of the world, and it’s not one that he can casually answer. But for some reason, Alex doesn’t feel as if he has to think much to know the answer. He knows. He already knows. The world feels so much clearer through his eyes now, unconfused by life’s struggles.

“Yes,” he finally answers.

It doesn’t hurt anymore.

Zach doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does. Nothing, but Alex’s desire to be with Charlie. He wanted to tell him everything. That he was sorry. That he wanted him. That Zach was a distant thought. But the words wouldn’t come out, however hard he willed himself. Reality feels warped as if their surroundings disappeared under the weight of Charlie’s touches. Shivering, Alex leans closer, finally feeling no apprehension when their lips touch again.

It feels good.

It feels right.

And somewhere amidst their chain of kisses, Alex finally realizes something. Sure, he still feels some modicum of desire for Zach. Sure, it’s imperfect, and anything but ordinary, whatever relationship he calls this. And sure, maybe it would take a long time to finally get over Zach.

But none of that measures up to how he feels now.

With Charlie in his arms. With someone who would accept him for everything that he is.

_I love him._

Love. It’s more than just pining after someone. It’s more than just feeling that pang of jealousy when their girlfriend walks in the room. It’s more than just lusting for them. It’s more than just fantasizing about being their boyfriend, about going on dates and kissing them.

Because watching the tears gently roll down Charlie’s perfect visage despite that brilliant smile, watching him cry while trying to comfort Alex speaks more than anything Alex had ever done for Zach. 

It feels so incredibly silly and stupid. How it took so long to realize it. After every touch, every kiss, every night together. Alex would sacrifice all of that just to understand how he felt sooner.

_I love him._

Charlie is the first to pull away. His face is flushed, his breaths shallow, each of them discernable and countable. The room is dead silent, save for the soft, barely audible breaths that escape both of their lips, like listening to the song of the wind.

“I love you.” 

A warm smile finds its way on Alex’s lips. He had heard that line before. Charlie probably hadn’t even realized what he had just said. It must have been in the spur of the moment, emotional admission.

It was imperfect.

But it was untampered by translation, unfettered by barriers.

Alex’s eyes scan Charlie’s, searching for reassurance. Once more, that warm, brilliant smile breaks over his perfect features. And when he speaks again, like golden chimes, he says everything that Alex had ever wished to hear, and more.

“I love you.”

_I love you._

It’s not the first time Charlie has said it. But it’s never carried this much weight. It’s never felt this genuine, felt this good. They’re just words. Words composed of letters of the Latin alphabet, yet its meaning is uncaptured by the definition of the phrase.

It means so, so much more.

Alex’s eyes are locked on Charlie’s again, once more finding nothing but the purest sincerity and warmth. This is the real deal. He doesn’t have to be afraid anymore; he doesn’t have to hide from the world.

He can be himself.

“I love you too,”

Those are not words he thought he’d hear himself saying again. He couldn’t honestly remember the last time he’s heard them. It feels awkward, almost. But when his depths meet Charlie’s once more, Alex realizes that context had become all but unnecessary.

Those three words are so casually thrown around. Perhaps they mean nothing to someone. Maybe they’re just words with definitions, with some kind of literary usage and meaning. But to Charlie and Alex, it’s entirely insufficient to express how they feel.

_I love you._

It means the whole world to them.

A promise. 

A vow.

A life. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, how did I do?
> 
> I thrive on reviews!
> 
> Let me know what sort of one shots you'd like to see me write, and I'll get them done when I can!


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